


The Truth in the Lies

by inqqued



Series: Julian and Garak after DS9 [1]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Anal Sex, Friends to Lovers, Love, M/M, Masturbation, Original Character(s), Post-Canon Cardassia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 01:26:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9525533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inqqued/pseuds/inqqued
Summary: After the end of the Dominion War Julian finds that he is ready to move on from DS9 but before he can do that he needs to see a certain Cardassian one last time. Or at least that's what he tells himself.Julian volunteers his skills as doctor on the war torn Cardassia Prime and searches for his friend but soon discovers that nothing is as 'plain and simple' as he had originally thought.





	1. Prologue: The End and the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> In my DS9 Jadzia didn't die. I don't have anything against Ezri I just find Jadzia more interesting to write about and in additional stories I'd rather have her there. Plus I think Worf could use a break and a happy ending :)  
> The rest is mostly cannon or as close as I can get.  
> Enjoy!

Prologue.

.The End and The Beginning.

 

Julian looked unseeingly out the shuttle window. Far and distant stars streaked by as it flew farther and farther away from Deep Space Nine. His mind was already on his destination that was light years away; Cardassia Prime. Garak’s home world.

So much had changed in the last few months. All his fellow officers, his friends really, had moved on.

Whether it was moving up in rank, new assignments or travelling back to their respective home worlds after the Dominion War everyone else on DS9 had known exactly what their next step was. All the while Julian had been left behind treading water.

But maybe that wasn’t entirely true. Julian had known immediately what he wanted to do, it had just taken longer than he would have liked to get up the courage to do it.

The frater that was taking him to Cardassia was small and filled to the brim with relief supplies complete with a few volunteer workers of various species. This was one of many relief ships continuously making its way back and forth from the devastated planet. While every little bit did help from what Julian had heard it was still not nearly enough. Because of Cardassia’s less than stellar reputation both from before and after the war not many people had been willing to make the trip. If rumors were to be believed qualified workers are something Cardassia is seriously lacking in some very important areas.

Starfleet itself had not been invited to help, Cardassia made it very clear that they did not want the Federation on their planet. So Julian had used six months of his shore leave so they would accept his application to join the Neutral Volunteers Union. Technically for the next six months Dr Julian Bashir was not a member of Starfleet. It was a technicality but so far it had worked and nobody has questioned it; or maybe they were just so desperate for doctors that they simply chose to overlook it completely.

Now finally, _finally_ he was on his way. Really there was no other place in the entire universe he wanted to go. Whatever happened next Julian needed closure. He needed to know that Garak was ok; that he was surviving. It was a worry that had become harder and harder to ignore. Ever since the end of the Dominion War Julian had been left with a reoccurring dream; a memory really. It might be easier to live with if he knew it wasn’t real.

Garak was standing alone and lost in the ruins of what had been his great Cardassia. His beloved home destroyed in one final act of petty aggression at the end of the war. Every night Julian relived that moment. And every night he felt as useless and helpless as he did on that day.

So despite everything, using up his hard earned leave, ignoring the dangers and xenophobia he would likely be faced with, Julian was on his way to Cardassia Prime. And while he had told anyone who asked that he was going for purely humanitarian reasons (and he was going to do everything in his power to help the people of Cardassia) the truth was far more self-serving.

He _had_ to see Garak again; even if it was only for a moment. That would be enough surely? Once he knew Garak was ok he could move on. Julian could put all his silly fantasies finally to rest and get on with his life. He would find a new Starfleet posting somewhere exciting and challenging and put all of his exceptional talent back into his profession as a doctor. It was all he had ever strived for. Promotions and acclaimed for his exceptional work. It was all he had ever wanted, wasn’t it?

Julian couldn’t stop himself from frowning. He had always had clear objectives in his life but the war had left him with a bitterness that he couldn’t quite shake. Things were no longer so black and white and problems were not so easily wrapped up in nice neat boxes of good and evil. Life wasn’t like that and he had learned some hard lessons over the last few years.

He mentally shook himself. _Find Garak and help the people of Cardassia_. That was his focus for the next six months. After that life would return to normal and things would be clearer again he was sure of it.

 

 


	2. CH1. Strange and Distant Shores

CH1.

.Strange and Distant Shores.

 

The shuttle flew in low as it came into land at the Cardassian port.

With all the devastation and residual radiation lingering from the Dominion assault simply using the transporters on mass was not an option for the time being. However it did give Julian a chance to see the city from the air. Something that he had mixed feelings about.

What was once a grand city scape was now marred with ruins. The sky line was shaped by crumbling towers and large craters littered the ground below. It would be easy to just write the whole city off, though as he looked closer he could see all was not completely lost.

Various smaller buildings had escaped the blasts. Their red sand stone walls looked strong amongst the various bits of rubble. As the shuttle closed in even further Julian could also make out the people of Cardassia moving through the streets going about their lives.

The flow of activity gave Julian a sense of hope. Though the city certainly was ruined and would hold its scars for generations to come it still held life. Given enough time and a lot of work the cities of Cardassia Prime could be whole again.

 

 

When Julian stepped off the relief ship the humid air hit him like a hammer. He knew it was going to be hot (it was mid-summer on Cardassia after all) but still he gave himself a moment to get his bearings. He had dressed appropriately for the warmer weather of Cardassia’s climate. Not being with Starfleet for the next half year meant that Julian had left all his Starfleet uniforms behind. Instead he wore light cream pants and matching tunic style shirt both made from light weight fabric. On his shoulder he carried a duffle bag which he packed as lightly as possible for his stay and held in the other hand his own personal medical kit.

Julian did his best to peer over the crowd that had gathered at the port. He was supposed to meet someone from the local hospital to show him around. Julian scanned the group comprised mainly of Cardassians with a smattering of other species that moved through the small ship port. The Cardassians seemed to pay him little attention; all too busy unloading the freighter and going about their own day to bother him. Any strange looks he got were easily ignored.

He moved through the crowd continuing his search while doing his best to stay out of the way. Julian was starting to wonder if they had forgotten that he was coming or worse that they had just decided not to bother sending someone to fetch him. He sighed in relief as a female voice called his name.

“Doctor Bash-ir?” she called stumbling only slightly on his name. She was a young slight Cardassian woman wearing what looked like a grey medical uniform with the Cardassia emblem pinned on the right chest.

“Doctor Bashir.” He said kindly putting on his best friendly smile. The woman seem slightly harried.

“Bashir.” She said saying it correctly testing the name. “I’m Mera from Lakia Hospital. I was so worried I wouldn’t get here in time. I was unexpectedly delayed at the hospital.”

“That’s understandable with all that’s going on and certainly more important than picking me up.” He said earnestly.

That seemed to ease her a great deal as she favoured him with a smile. “I’m so glad you think that way. You will be kept very busy on your stay here.” Mera gestured toward the exit and Julian followed her out onto the slightly broken street.

“I just hope I can make a difference.”

“Oh you will, we are desperate for doctors. Everyone counts.”

“I imagine you’ve been kept quite busy. As a doctor you must be looking forward to some down time as well.”

Mera flushed slightly through the ridges around her eyes. “Oh no, I’m not a doctor. I mean I was training to be one before… well before all this.” she said gesturing at the ruined buildings around them. “But still I have received at least enough education to be useful. I work as a nurse in Tent Town.”

“Tent Town?”

“You’ll see, later. For now I’ll show you where you’ll be staying and then if you like we can go to the hospital.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Despite his light clothing and small bag Julian could already feel the heat affecting him. It would be nice to be unencumbered by his duffle bag.

“The dorms rooms are just another block away. Not too far to walk.” She said with a knowing smile.

Julian instantly liked Mera. She was both kind and intelligent. They chatted easily as they made their way through the city. She seemed like a she would have been a bright student full of enthusiasm. He could tell that if she did finally complete her studies she would make an excellent doctor.

It turned out the place he would be saying actually were dorm rooms. The student housing from the local university had been left standing from the bombardments and now were being used to house a mix of homeless citizens and relief workers in the area.

Julian took in the small space quickly. It was a single small room but it did at least have all the things he would need. A small nook kitchen and food replicator on one side of the living space complete with a dining table for two. Against the other wall was a single bed and closet. He was glad for a separate bathroom complete with shower and toilet. In many ways this was far better accommodation than he was expecting. Sure it was tiny and there was no windows making it feel a bit claustrophobic but it was clean and he would have privacy.

Mera gave him a moment to change into the Neutral Volunteers Union uniform that had been left for him. It was very similar to the triage uniform he had worn before. Light blue and loose, it would do well in the heat and humidity. There was also a PADD left for him with general information on Cardassia and any information he might need for his stay. He glanced at it quickly but would have a more thorough read of it tonight. Deciding to put the rest of his things away later Julian quickly headed out with Mera.  

*

The university itself was not as lucky as the dormitories. The area had been cleared of most of the rubble leaving an empty space beside the dorms. Mera described the old university as a grand teaching institution but as Julian looked around him all he could see was a flat pock marked expanse. It was the university where Mera herself had been studying. Fortunately at the time of the destruction she was in the dorms but still so many students and teachers had been in the university at the time of the blasts.

Julian would be walking through its remains every day as he made his way to and from Lakia Hospital.

Lakia Hospital was south of what remained of the city centre. The hospital had been quite large and state of the art plus the teaching hospital for the old university. It was and in some ways still is the main source of health care for many citizens in this part of the city.    

‘Tent Town’ as it turned out was the make shift part of the hospital made solely of tents. The large expanse was filled with at least fifty white tarped rooves.

The surviving part of Lakia Hospital that managed to avoid destruction stood next to the tents. By luck the entire south and east wings and central lobbies were left intact and usable. Thus all the more serious injuries were being taking into the remaining hospital structures while Tent Town was used as a mix of a health clinic and minor injury ward.

The hospital was several stories tall and far better at keeping out the red dust that seemed to constantly drift through the air. This of course brought with it its own set of problems; namely hygiene. While the tents of Tent Town were walled off by tarps along the outside border it was open to all on the inside.

The area was a mess of both patients and medical workers. Shouts could be heard down the far end and people weaved in and out of beds and cots alike. Julian did his best to stay out of the way as Mera led him through the tents and up to the still standing parts of Lakia Hospital.

“Doctor Palma is the head doctor at Lakia Hospital. She will take over and get you assigned to a ward. Like I said I’m sure they will be happy to see another fully qualified doctor in the ER.” Explained Mera moving at a quick pace.

Julian only nodded as he took it all in. It was barely organised chaos. He also noted a few ‘aliens’ dressed similarly to himself amongst the tents. All other staff were distinctly Cardassian wearing the same grey uniform as Mera.

The internal lighting of the hospital was dimmer than he was used to, much like all Cardassian star ships. Lucky for Julian it took little time for his genetically enhanced eyes to adjust to the difference.

Much like outside in the tents the building was awash with activity and Mera lead Julian down the long halls weaving through the crowds with expertise. As they made their way up through the hospital Julian couldn’t help but note there were no volunteer workers in sight. All the nurses and doctors they had passed were Cardassian only. 

Finally they made their way up to nearly the highest floor and turned down a corridor that was obviously meant for admin only. Julian could read the title above the door ahead of them that was written in Kardasi; ‘Head of Hospital, Doctor Palma’.

Mera was just about to buzz the door when a low voice came out of seemingly nowhere behind them.

“Nurse Mera why are you here? Should you not be seeing to your duties in the tents?”

Julian turned to see a very tall, older looking male Cardassian. He held himself with an air of importance and instinctive Julian felt that he would not be someone to cross. 

“Coordinator Du Jon.” Mera bowed her head respectfully trying to hide her own surprise, “I had been asked to collect our latest volunteer. This is Dr Bashir. Dr Bashir this is Coordinator Du Jon, Lakia Hospital Administrator.”

When Mera introduced him Julian could feel Du Jon sizing him up. Never one to shrink from a challenge Julian straightened himself and gave his best imitation of a Cardassian nod.

“Good to meet you Coordinator Du Jon. I’m eager to help out.”

“You are a Terran are you not?” Du Jon asked instead, his tone stern and his face unreadable.

“A human, yes.” Julian replied evenly but couldn’t quite suppress his frown.  

“I was about to bring him to see Dr Palma.” Mera cut in working to keep her tone light.

“Why? You know how busy she is. Besides it is for me to assign hospital resources. You should be aware of that by now.” Du Jon said coolly still not taking those piercing eyes from Julian. Mera flushed slightly and did not comment further.

“Doctor you will assist in the tents. Mera take him down to Garlan for supervision.”

_Supervision?_ Julian wondered.

Mera looked like she wanted to protest instead she managed a tight nod and with that Du Jon turned on his heel and left. Julian was left with the distinct impression that none of this was good for him but before he could say anything Mera huffed and started making her way back the way they came. Julian jogged a little to catch up.

“Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.” She muttered to herself.

“Why? What just happened?”

“Once again we are wasting resources that’s what’s happened. With all that’s going on sometimes I can’t believe my own people. I’m sorry I should have warned you. I just hoped if we went straight to Dr Palma I might have got you assigned somewhere useful.”

“Tent Town’s not somewhere useful?”

“Tent Town is for _minor_ injuries and _minor_ health problems. And yes we need people to help there but I _know_ for a fact that they are shorter staffed up here in the hospital. Doctors, real doctors with experience is what we need in the hospital not in the tents treating scrapped knees.”

“Then why, surly if that’s the case Du Jon…”

“Du Jon is a narrow minded bigot.” Mera snapped.

“And this Garlan? My supervisor?”

Mera laughed without humour.

“He’s someone you’ll really learn to hate. Giving him any ounce of power was a big mistake.” She then turned more seriously to Julian. “I am sorry. I just hope you won’t judge all Cardassians to their standards.”

“Oh don’t worry you’ll find I have a uniquely thick skin when it comes to unruly Cardassians.” Julian said smiling thinking of one Cardassian in particular.

He could tell Mera was still unsure but the comment made her smile anyway.

*

 

It turned out Mera was right. Julian could really learn to hate Garlan, after all he made it very easy.

Unlike Coordinator Du Jon his supervisor Garlan was a shorter slightly round younger man. A young man who had only recently graduated from university in economics. How that made him qualified to run a medical clinic Julian had no idea but Garlan revelled in throwing his weight around and was sure to treat all off-worlders like lesser beings. He made no effort to hide his dislike and joyed in bossing them all around.

On Julian’s first day one of his fellow volunteers left for good. As Mera explained it to him the Bolian had been fed up for days and finally had enough when Garlan yet again took away a patient only to reassign it to another Cardassian. A Cardassian who had not even finished medical school but was from a prominent family.

Julian quickly realised that even in this post war Cardassia in this lowly medical tent politics still reigned supreme.

“Dr Bashir step back. I don’t believe you have the proper understanding to deal with a case like this.” Garlan’s silky voice grated on Julian’s every nerve.

“It’s a mild fracture. With a proper brace it should heal correctly.” Julian said evenly doing his best not to let any of his annoyance show.

“So you say, however I think we would all feel better if we let Dr Torr here have a proper look. He would know Cardassian bones better than you after all, being a Cardassian himself.” Garlan’s tone could only be described as patronising.

The muscle in Julian’s jaw flexed and all the things he could say came rushing though his mind but he held them all back. He could tell Garlan was just trying to goad him into a fight. As it was all he could do was go to the next bed and try not to think of all the different way he could be using his laser scalpel on Garlan.

Julian did his best to grit his teeth and bare it. After all he did not want to give Garlan the satisfaction of seeing how much it bothered him to be ordered around by a pompous brat as much as it was against Julian’s nature. Julian knew he himself could be arrogant but that was only because he knew how good he was at his job and sometimes felt the need to remind others. After all some days he made extremely difficult things look easy.

Somehow, he did manage to get through the day without losing his cool which could not be said for the weather which was stiflingly hot under the white tarped rooves.

* 

 

Later Julian collapsed on his bed when he made it back to the dorms and tried to relax and not think that he had a full six months of this. This doesn’t matter he told himself. I’m here to find Garak really and I can do that in my spare time.

Finally Julian did get around reading the information on the PADD left by the Neutral Volunteers. Some of it was helpful. It included large map of the city and more detailed one of the Lakia District where he was staying. Transportation was limited so it looked like he would be walking where ever he went. 

He had his own ID code for food replicators that could be used at any terminal on the planet but only for three meals each day. His water was also rationed but it would be enough for him to shower each day and after sweating in the red dust all day Julian was glad of it.   

Julian was disappointed to find that his access to the Cardassian data base was severely limited. He reflected that he shouldn’t have been surprised. He was an off-worlder and Cardassia was not one to give up her secrets easily. Still feeling determined Julian buckled down for a night of sifting through endless records searching for any mention of his only reason for being here. 

 

 


	3. CH2. A Change of Weather

 

CH 2.

.A Change of Weather.

 

The day was hot and humid but then wasn't it every day? Weeks had past and the temperature only ever climbed or dropped by a few degrees and the humidity was the same. Julian did his best to focus on the flow of patients that trickled through Tent Town but today it was even more difficult than usual.

Earlier that morning a building had collapsed on a repair crew working on it. Then to add insult to injury an electrical fault caused a fire making a bad situation worse. As the day wore on more and more critical patients were being rushed into the hospital from the building site.

Rumours ran around Julian as he worked. Too many patients, not enough doctors. All the more senior staff in Tent Town had been called into the Hospital to help. All accept the ‘alien’ volunteers of course.

Julian had to bite down on his frustration. He could be in there helping; he _should_ be in there. It wasn't arrogance when he knew it was true. He was a genius, a freaking enhanced human! They should be using him to his full abilities not shunning him just because he wasn’t Cardassian enough for them. Julian huffed and tried to keep himself as occupied as possible treating the sick and injured people in Tent Town but he found it difficult with a crisis unfolding just meters away.

Julian had just finished giving a hypo for a sinus infection when a commotion broke out at the far end of the tents. He moved swiftly through the throng to investigate the shouting.

A man stood stricken in a panic calling for help while holding in his arms a rather hysterical looking pregnant woman.

"Help me, help me please!" shouted the man "My wife is bleeding and we can't stop it! And now the baby, our baby just won't come..."

Sure enough Julian could see dark Cardassian blood running rivets down the pregnant ladies legs. She was crying and shaking in his arms; she looked exhausted.

"Everything is going to be ok, I'm Dr Bashir." said Julian taking charge of the situation. "How long has she been in labour?" he asked the husband calmly and led them to an empty examination table. Already he had his tricorder out scanning her and the unborn child. A baby boy Julian couldn't help noting.

"She started having contractions around midnight." The husband answered quickly.

Julian nodded as he completed his scan. It showed that her uterus had separated from her wall lining which meant two things. One she was in very serious trouble and needed medical attention immediately; and two there were no doctors available to operate. Well there was one doctor but that doctor was under strict orders from Garlan not to treat anything more serious than a splinter.

Julian knew what he had to do. Was there ever any other choice?

He turned to the nearest nurse who just happened to be Mera.

"Mera grab my medkit. I need to operate immediately."

Mera hesitated.

"Mera this woman needs an emergency C-section. We can’t afford to wait." Julian looked her in the eye and continued in a low voice as not to alarm the couple. "She is bleeding out and the baby is suffocating. Mera, I need your help." 

Mera's hesitated for only a moment more then her expression became resolved. She nodded to Julian and then hurried away, darting between tents to get Julian’s equipment.

Julian turned back to his patients and began preparing them as best he could for the emergency procedure. As he helped the woman into a more comfortable position his thoughts were interrupted by the most unwelcome voice.

"What's going on here?!" demanded Garlan.

"We have a critical situation." replied Julian keeping his tone even and never taking his eyes from his patients. "We have to operate immediately or we could lose them both." The woman whimpered and Julian put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"You’re going to help us right?" she whispered to Julian.

"Yes I am." 

"What can I do?" asked the husband who was following Julian’s lead.

"Just stay with your wife and keep her calm." And Julian continued readying the woman and then the room for the emergency operation. The conditions were less than ideal but Julian couldn’t afford to wait. At this point even the time it took to carry her up into the hospital might be too long.

Garlan was momentarily flustered by the situation until his dim-witted mind remembered he was supposed to be in charge. 

"Wait! STOP! What do you think you're doing?!" Garlan blustered rounding on Julian as Mera return to the makeshift room with his medkit.

"Here's your kit Dr Bashir."

Julian strode past Garlan paying him no attention opening the case and began preparing his tools for surgery.

"Did you hear me?!" yelled Garlan practically swelling with indignation.

"Oh yes I heard you." said Julian evenly. "The hospital is full and everyone else has enough to deal with helping the victims of the building fire. So if you have someone who can perform an emergency C-section _now_ be my guest. Otherwise get out of my way."

Garlan opened and closed his mouth stupidly speechless while Julian turned to Mera.

"I'll need you to assist me. Just do as I say."

"Yes Doctor." Mera looked wary but determined.

Now ready Julian made to move back to the pained woman but Garlan forcefully grabbed his arm.

"I said STOP!" he growled in Julian’s face.

_I don't have time for this._

Quick as lighting Julian's lashed out with hypo-spray in hand. Before Garlan knew what was happening Julian had pressed the sedative to his neck. Garlan only gaped for a moment before dropping unceremoniously to the floor in a heap. Julian barley broke stride as he stepped over him immediately putting all of his focus back on the task at hand.

"Mera hand me the scanner." Julian extended his hand for the device while Mera just stared at the lump that was Garlan on the floor.

"Mera." he said more forcefully looking her in the eyes. "I need you to focus. I will accept the consequences of my actions later but for right now I need that scanner."

Mera squared her shoulders and nodded putting Garlan from her mind. "Yes Doctor Bashir, I'm ready."

Together they worked quickly on the pregnant lady and child. After the C-section was performed there was a tense moment of silence and then Tent Town was filled with the cries of a wailing new born.

"Ok Mera, you take him. He seems healthy enough but I'll get you to check him over. I'm going to finish up with our lucky new mother here." Julian said with a genuine smile. There was still a bit of damage to repair internally with the mother but all in all everything had turned out well. Julian knew that whatever reprimand he would likely be facing it would be totally worth it for this.

*

 

Julian didn’t have to wait long. After he was sure both mother and child were in the best possible health Julian returned to making his rounds through Tent Town.

“There he is!” exclaimed Garlan.

Julian turned to see an incensed looking Garlan standing next to none other than Hospital Coordinator Du Jon. Du Jon looked as stern as ever and just like before Julian felt like he was being observed under a microscope by Du Jon’s piercing gaze.

“Thank you Garlan, I will take it from here.” He said evenly and then to Julian. “Dr Bashir follow me.” And with that Du Jon turned and headed up to the hospital. Julian obediently followed but not before openly glaring at Garlan as he passed. Garlan however looked very pleased with himself and only smirked back showing his teeth.

Julian walked a step behind Du Jon trying to look as dignified as possible and not like a child who had been naughty. He had already resigned himself to his fate, whatever that might be. It’s not like he could or would deign what he did.

Julian felt certain he would get more than a reprimand but would they go so far as to suspend him? Or worse deport him? He hadn’t even had a chance to find Garak yet let alone see him. What if he blew his only chance and he would never be allowed on the planet again? It was the only reason he was here in the first place!

Julian thought again of the mother holding her newborn son.

In the end he would have no regrets and apologise to no one. What he did was right, it was as simple as that. If Julian had done anything less than everything he could how would he even be able to look Garak in the eye when he did finally find him?

Du Jon lead him up to the administration offices but instead of going to his own office he was taken to the door of the Head of Hospital; Dr Palma. Du Jon chimed the door once and after only a moment the door slid open allowing them to step inside.

The office was quite large or would have been if it wasn’t stacked wall to wall with boxes. PADDs were in disarray on a large desk that housed a computer terminal. Dr Palma was typing furiously at the computer and had not yet looked up at them.  Finally after a few last taps on her screen she looked up to see her guests.

“Ah Du Jon, there you are. And you must be Dr Bashir. I’m sorry we haven’t had the chance to meet yet.” Her smile was bright and she extended her hand for a surprisingly human greeting. “I’m Dr Palma.”

Julian was slightly confused by this warm welcome but still managed to quickly return the greeting and shook her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you too and I do understand you must be under a lot of pressure here in the hospital.” Julian looked around at the boxes that crowed the room.

“Yes today has been particularly difficult.” She looked saddened. “The building accident took too many lives today. Cardassia can hardly afford to lose more.”

Du Jon cleared his throat getting their attention. “Dr Palma, I brought the Doctor here because of an incident that has occurred in the Tents. It requires your attention.” Said Du Jon and Julian tried to remain calm.

Julian was already starting to like Dr Palma and he was sure given enough time she would see that he could be a real help to the hospital. Julian mentally readied himself to argue his case to the Head of Hospital.

“I believe that Dr Bashir is no longer suited to be working in the Tents.” Du Jon started. “Instead his talents would be better utilised inside the hospital.”

Julian opened his mouth to argue but stopped short. _Huh?_ Julian wasn’t sure he heard him correctly.

“Really?” said Dr Palma also sounding just as surprised as Julian felt.

“He showed excellent judgement and initiative in a critical situation.” Du Jon continued even sounding a little impressed.

“This would certainly be a first. Especially from you Du Jon.” said Dr Palma thoughtfully. She was well aware of Du Jon distrust of outsiders but she had far too many other concerns around the hospital than to worry about managing personal nor did she want to undermine his authority, so she had no other choice but to trust Du Jon’s judgement in these matters. 

She looked Julian over again. He certainly didn’t look like much even for a human, tall and quite thin however he must have been quite impressive to get Du Jon’s vote of confidence. “Well we certainly can use more doctors on the ER. Would this be acceptable to you Dr Bashir?”

“Er, yes. Absolutely.” Julian stumbled still trying to get over his own surprise.

“Excellent. I still have a mountain of reports to get through so I’ll leave Du Jon to get you resituated. And Du Jon we _will_ talk later.” She added meaningfully. Dr Palma wanted to hear the whole story of whatever this ‘human’ doctor had done to earn a place within Lakia Hospital.

Du Jon just gave her an answering nod and then both he and a still slightly stunned Julian left.

 

 

They stood a moment together in an awkward silence outside Dr Palma’s office.

“Well we best get you moved over as efficiently as possible.” Said Du Jon and began moving back down the hallway.

“Yes, ok.” Said Julian and moved into step with Du Jon. Then he couldn’t hold it in any longer and blurted out the thing that was bothering him. “I was sure you were going to fire me! Or at the very least get me into trouble and instead you’re promoting me? I thought you hated outsiders?!”

Du Jon was thoughtful for a moment. “It might seem that way to you but I do not _hate_ your kind. I do not trust them. There is a very distinct difference.”

“…oh.” Was all Julian could think to say.

“You are not Cardassian therefore how can you be trusted to do everything a Cardassian would do to save one of our kind? Today you showed how far you would go to help my people. What you did could have landed you in some very serious trouble but you did it anyway because it was what was best for Cardassian lives. Now I know I can trust you with the lives of the Cardassians in this hospital.” Du Jon concluded.

Julian wanted to argue that ‘of course he would put his patents first’ but he could also see Du Jon’s side. Cardassia Prime was unused to outsiders with most of the population knowing of aliens and having little to no interactions with them. It did make a certain amount of sense that Du Jon would be wary of trusting the lives of Cardassian’s to other species, especially ones that they have been at war with in the past.

So against Julian’s nature he kept his mouth shut and followed Du Jon’s lead.

He decided it was best to take this as a small victory not just for himself but for other ‘aliens’. Perhaps given some more time he could wear down some more of Du Jon’s rougher edges. The biggest highlight of all for Julian was that he no longer would be working in Tent Town. No more dust, no more heat and no more Garlan.

Julian would be in a real hospital doing surgery and dealing with critical situations; in short making a real difference. That was what he was here for (sort of) and he was determined to prove himself not just to Du Jon but all of the Lakia Hospital staff.

Julian decided he would have to make time to go down to the tents and explain everything to Mera. She had been so good to him this first month, showing him around and helping with all the ins and outs of working in Tent Town. And just her friendship. His first month on Cardassia could have been far lonelier than it had been. 

*

 

Julian adjusted quickly to his new position in the hospital. Although some of his colleagues were a bit standoffish at first he soon won most of them over just by doing his job to the best of his abilities.  It also could have been helped by Doctor Palma’s vote of confidence and the two of them worked well together almost instantly. 

The ebb and flow in the hospital was different to Tent Town but much like in the tents there was always something to do. Things seemed to bounce between catching up with patients on the ward to near frantic emergency medical situations. 

And in his off-time Julian continued his search for Garak.

Just because he was promoted to the hospital did not give him greater access to the Cardassian database. With his growing friendship with Dr Palma Julian had considered asking her for her help in his search but in the end always hesitated. There was the chance that Garak didn’t want to be found and for a good reason. He didn’t want to inadvertently get him in trouble. There was also another reason why Julian would be finding it difficult to locate Garak but Julian didn’t want to entertain that theory at all.

_He’s not dead. He’s not. I just have to keep looking._

 

 


	4. CH3. Not so Plain and Simple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to say I get a lot of my inspiration from the Archive community. I have no idea where some of the original ideas started but I did what to say a big thanks to everyone out there who did make them.

 

 

CH 3.

.Not so Plain and Simple.

 

 

Garak strode with purpose through the offices of the new Cardassian Central Ministry building (well really the old building because the new building had been wiped from the face of the planet, so really it was the new old building).

These days there was so much to be done and precious little time to do it in but Garak was happy to keep his mind busy and to have a purpose. I was hard for life’s little worries get to him when there was plenty of work to throw himself into. After all it had always been Garak’s wish to serve Cardassia and these days the State was in need of him in so many ways.

He was deep in thought about the best use of his time for the day (check in on construction on Main Street, new electrical regulations had to be triple checked and then the state of the hydro dam repairs needed to be monitored) when his attention was caught by the tittering of laughter down the hallway.

A small group of his co-workers had gathered together and were apparently finding something very amusing. He intended to walk straight past them but was called over by a fellow minister.

“Minister Garak. Minister Garak! You must hear this.” called Minister Narin. Minister Narin was a young idealistic woman. The kind of forward thinker that was good for the progress of Cardassia although she sometimes could be easily side-tracked.

“Oh do tell.” Garak put on his best smile and made his way over to the group. Best to get this over with as quickly as possible. He really did have a lot to be getting on with today.

“Sec Darna has just told me the most delightful little incident that occurred at Lakia Hospital last week. I've never heard anything quite like it. I had no idea Terran doctors could have such cheek.” And the group tittered again.

 _That_ got Garak’s attention.

“A Terran you say?” he asked working to keep his voice mild. _A human doctor?_ And a human doctor with _cheek_? Could it really be? Should he even dare to hope? Garak knew that many ‘aliens’ had travelled to his home world in the past few months and that many of them were working in the hospitals. The chances that it would be _him_ were extremely remote.

“Yes, apparently his supervisor got between him and his patient. A birth had become very dangerous for both mother and baby and due to the restrictions placed upon the Terran he was told not to perform surgery.”

“How utterly ridiculous.” Huffed Garak. How was Cardassia ever going to recover if it was constantly hampered by overly xenophobic morons?

“Oh I completely agree, as did the doctor. So he did the most expedient thing to ensure the health of the family. He bopped the supervisor on the neck with a sedative and dropped him to the ground like a sack of hound dung. Ha!”

“How marvellously inventive.” Garak said unable to hide his own amusement.

“Oh yes! The Terran doctor then just stepped over the unconscious idiot and proceeded to save mother and child.” She finished with a big smile.

“A most excellent result. I do trust the doctor was not punished too severely?” while Garak would have given him a medal he was well aware that not all of his fellow Cardassians would see it that way.

“No, not at all. He was promoted and now works with the head doctor at the hospital, Dr Palma. She sees his ingenuity for what it is. Dr Palma always was one to utilise a talent.” Minister Narin added fondly.

“Indeed a wise decision.” Garak agreed; his mind already whirling a mile a minute. “You didn’t by chance catch the name of this Terran doctor did you?”

Minister Narin looked thoughtful for a moment. “No I’m afraid not.”

This gave Garak a lot to think about. Perhaps it was time for Garak to pay a visit to Lakia Hospital. After all he had not been to the Lakia district for a few months. Best to check in and make sure all was going well. As a Minister for the new Cardassian High Counsel it was his duty to keep appraised of any significant current events. 

 

* 

It turned out Doctor Palma did indeed have a good head on her shoulders. As she showed Garak around Lakia Hospital they talked about a number of valid concerns. Staff shortages, medical supplies and the upcoming timetable for the rebuilding of the lost wing of the hospital were the main topics of discussion.

Although Garak listened with rapt attention he also kept a keen eye out for any human doctors on the ward. So far no such luck and whoever it was would surly stick out amongst all his fellow Cardassians. They were reaching the end of the tour and with still no sign of any Terran’s Garak was left with no choice but the direct approach.

“I must say Dr Palma I’m very impressed. You have managed to do a lot with very little.” Garak said sincerely. “Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to show me around.”

“Not at all Minister. Especially if it gets us more resources for the hospital.”

“Yes but resources are nothing without the people to use them.” He paused a moment thinking how best to pose his next question. “I have heard about a rather interesting doctor you have working here. A Terran? While I do not always subscribe to gossip I must admit the stories about him were quite amusing.”

Dr Palma for the first time that day looked a little put off.

“Yes… there is a human Doctor working here. That’s not a problem is it?” She seemed concerned that Garak might be looking to get him in trouble. Understandable given the narrow view some of his colleagues still held.

“Oh no, not at all.” Garak quickly reassured her. “I’m merely curious. I spent a number of years amongst Terran’s you see. So the rumours are true then?”

Dr Palma visibly relaxed.

“Oh yes. Though I doubt you’ve met one quite like him. He has turned out to be a most unique individual.” She said fondly. Garak got the impression that the hospital saw him as some sort of mascot.

It certainly sounded a lot like a doctor he used to know. Julian was most certainly unique. Before Garak could finally inquire after this mysterious human’s name Dr Palma looked past Garak’s shoulder and brightened.

“Oh and you’re in luck. He must have just finished surgery.”

Garak turned to follow her gaze and sure enough there he was. Doctor Julian Bashir, in the flesh. For a moment Garak felt like he had stepped back onto DS9. He looked so much the same and yet so different. Sure he was a little older and wore a different uniform but he was still the same tall and wiry man he had come to know so many years ago. From Julian’s short cut hair to his lovely caramel skin he was a welcomed sight for Garak. He didn’t realise how much until that moment upon finally seeing him again after all this time. It was like releasing a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding.

Julian looked exhausted and didn’t look their way as he ambled down the hall toward the hospital mess. Garak quickly thanked Dr Palma again for her time and promised to be in touch soon. Then doing his best not to seem too eager made his way after the good doctor.  

 

* 

Julian _was_ exhausted. The morning had gone by in a blur of blood and bone as he did his best to put the people of Cardassia back together. So far all of the wounded were doing well in recovery.

Now Julian sat in the hospital mess hall staring blankly down at his cup of tea trying to find the will to get back up and order some lunch. He wasn’t particularly hungry but knew he had to eat or he would be sorely regretting it later. He would need the energy for the rest of the afternoon and then after that for his continued search for Garak. 

Julian sighed. Going through hundreds and hundreds of public records with his limited access was the last thing he wanted to do tonight. All he wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep however he was well aware of the time passing by. If he didn’t find Garak soon he might end up running out of time altogether. Already Julian had been on Cardassia well over a month and he still felt no closer to finding him then when he first arrived.

Julian was just contemplating weather it was bad form to rest his head on the table for a quick power nap when his thoughts were interrupted by the most welcome and familiar voice.

“Is this seat taken?”

Suddenly Julian was wide awake. His head snapped up and he was staring into a pair of twinkling cool blue eyes. Julian gaped. Garak was here. Here in the hospital asking to sit with him. Julian felt like he had jumped back in time and just like their first meeting he was momentarily rendered utterly speechless. Garak stood stooped over the empty chair expectantly, amusement clear in his eyes.

Finally Julian’s brain ticked over.

“Yes! No! I mean. No not at all. Please sit.”

“Thank you.” Said Garak pleased and took a seat across from Julian.

Julian just sat a moment to drink in the sight of him. He looked well, very well. Garak’s face was still soft and round but overall perhaps he had lost some weight? With his dark hair long and sleek and light blue eyes he was still the same Garak who sat across him in the replimat on DS9. He carried himself well in a crisp cut dark Cardassian style suit. The dark colour only enhancing his lovely pale complexion.

“Garak.” Julian breathed. “What are you doing here?”

Garak chuckled. “My dear Doctor this is _my_ home world. Should I not be asking you that question?”

Julian blushed lightly.

“Yes I suppose you right.” Julian hedged. Finally Garak was here and Julian didn’t know how to start. Fortunately Garak did.

“So my dear Doctor what brings you to my humble planet? I was sure that the Federation had not been invited thus far.”

_I came here to see you._

The thought came unbidden to Julian immediately. But he couldn’t say that! So instead…

“Yes that’s true. The Federation is not sending personnel to Cardassia so I decided to take six months leave from Starfleet and joint the Neutral Volunteers Union.”

“Really Doctor, you gave up six months of your own time to come here?” Garak looked mildly surprised.

“Well I wanted to help” It was not technically a lie “and this was the only way. I know one more doctor won’t save a planet but I thought I could at least do some good. I know it’s a technicality…”

Garak reach over and placed his hand on Julian’s forearm stopping his rambling.

“My dear please, it is not a criticism. If anything I am truly grateful to see you here.” And Julian did his best to ignore the slight flutter in his chest as Garak said that. It was very hard with Garak’s hand on his arm. 

“And from what I have heard you have indeed been making a difference. I’m sure that mother and child you saved would agree.” Garak favoured him with a conspiratorial smile. “Also I’m sure you remember how much I love technicalities.”

“You heard about that?”

“Quite frankly my dear you were the talk of the town.” Garak said smiling at Julian’s expense.

Julian couldn’t help but return it. Already Garak’s smile, the slight weight on his arm and the way he talked were all like a balm on his weary soul. He had missed him so much more than he had even realised.

“Well I hope that means you won’t rat me out.” Julian joked. “So is that what brought you to Lakia Hospital? I hope it’s not for treatment?” Julian expression turned worried.

“Oh no nothing like that.” Said Garak waving off his concern. “I’m here on official business for the new Ministry.”

“Really!? That’s wonderful. I do hope they are making good use of you.”

“Of course my dear Doctor, it is my duty. As a Minister for the new Cardassian Government I find its best not to get locked down behind a desk all day so I make regular visits around all of the districts. There is too much to be done to remain idle.”

“A Minister! I didn’t realise.” Julian mulled it over for a moment. “Minister Garak; it suits you. Far better than ‘plain and simple tailor’.” Julian said chuckling lightly thinking about Garak’s old routine. Garak had _never_ been plain or simple.

“Why thank you my dear Doctor.” Garak’s pride was clear. After all for Garak serving Cardassia after so many years of exile would be the ultimate reward. Julian felt truly happy for him. Garak was intelligent and incorruptible (at least we it came to the good of Cardassia) so he would always put the needs of his people above his own.

“With your position I’m sure you must be doing all sorts of good.”

“You flatter me. And while I do my best I am but one cog in the machine of many.”

Somehow Julian didn’t believe that. Cardassia needed someone like Garak if it was going to get through the next few years.

“Yes but the right person in the right place at the right time can change the course of history. Didn’t reading all that human literature teach you anything?” Julian teased, he couldn’t help himself.

Garaks answering smile was all Julian could ever ask for. “Now, now. If you’re not careful my dear Doctor I’ll make you read ‘The Never Ending Sacrifice’ again.”

“You wouldn’t be so cruel.” Julian said with mock horror.

“My dear you have no idea. Let’s not forget we’re on my planet now.” Garak joked doing his best to sound and look menacing but for Julian all he felt was thrilled. He quickly clamped down of those feelings, it was hardly appropriate.

For moment they just sat in silence drinking their teas and just enjoying each other’s company. They chatted more about the events that led Julian to being promoted with Garak chuckling in all the right places. Then Garak filled him in a little on some of the redevelopment projects he had started and was closely seeing to.

There discussion continued over lunch but eventually the matters of the outside world had to intrude and could not be put off any longer.

“Well my dear Doctor, I’m afraid I have lingered as long as I can. There are a great many things that require my attention and cannot wait.” Garak said with an air of regret.

Julian immediately felt forlorn as Garak stood to make his leave.  

“My dear Doctor, until next we meet.” He said with a neat little bow.

Julian mind started whirling a mile a minute. _Wait what?! That was it? A lunchtime chat and a goodbye?_ No. I wasn’t enough, not nearly enough. Julian quickly jumped to his feet.

“Wait, Garak!” Garak stopped and turn back to him. “Do you think we could do this again? Lunch I mean? I’m still here for a while and I’d really like to make the most of it.” Julian hoped he didn’t sound too desperate.

Garak smiled like he had been waiting for Julian to ask; like he had known all along. “That would be marvellous my dear. I’m afraid I’m unavailable tomorrow but the day after would be fine.”

“Great!” Julian said with real enthusiasm. Two days was way better than he could have hoped. “I can meet you outside the hospital and we could walk somewhere for lunch.”

“It’s a date then.” Garak said with a slight nod farewell and this time he did make his way out of the mess hall.

After Garak was out of sight Julian sat down again with his now empty tea cup sitting side by side with Garak’s.

_A date?_

Julian was sure it was meant innocently enough but that didn’t stop the butterflies bouncing around his stomach. Either way Julian did his best to put it from his mind; after all he had the next two days to get through and he would need to be professional. Still it didn’t stop the silly smile from creeping onto his face over and over again.  

 

 *

Garak however was brooding as he made his way to his next engagement; his mind not at all on the task ahead of him. He was not sure this upcoming lunch date was wise. Not because he didn’t want to see Julian again, quite the opposite. It was because of _how much_ he wanted to see him.

Julian had always meant too much to Garak, more than he could ever admit. _Sentiment_. Garak had always warred against any form of sentiment but only because he had fallen victim to it often and felt the sting of it too. Mila and Tain had proved that.

And yet he never could say no to Julian. He had been an indulgence in his cold exile and now on Cardassia he was still a joy to be with. Sitting across from him today having lunch together was delightful and every time Julian smiled Garak felt those old feelings stir again. Surely a few more lunches together would be harmless? Garak could enjoy his company until Julian was recalled back into the Federation.

Only 148 days left Garak calculated automatically unable to stop himself. He would do his best not to think about that.

Garak sighed to himself. What was that human saying? _A glut for punishment_? That summed him up quite accurately right now. Oh well, he would have lunch with his dear Julian and make the most of whatever time they had together.

 

 


	5. CH4. It is Not a Date... maybe

CH 4.

.It is _Not_ a Date… maybe.

 

 

 

 

The two days couldn’t go quickly enough for Julian. He managed to keep his mind on his work as much as possible but was grateful that his enhanced brain allowed him to focus on several things at once with ease. Finally it was time and with no unexpected medical emergencies to hold him back Julian stood in the shade of Lakia Hospital waiting for Garak to arrive.

He was only there a short time before he spotted Garak making his way toward him down the rough street. Just as he had been on DS9 Garak was extremely punctual. Julian instantly smiled just at the sight of him. He looked so at home here, even amongst a world that was still recovering Garak looked at peace in a way that Julian had never known him to be.

They greeted each other warmly and Garak suggested that they go to a public eatery just a few blocks down the road. Julian readily agreed and they started on their way side by side. He had become slightly better adjusted to the heat of Cardassia but still a long walk in the sun did not sound appealing to Julian. When he said as much to Garak all he got was a laugh.

“Really my dear Doctor, I thought you were made of tougher stuff than that. This isn’t even a very hot day.” He said with amusement.

“Yes well, for me if it were any hotter am I’m pretty sure I’d melt to the side walk. And this humidity! Ah! I suppose at the very least it has given me a new appreciation of just how cold the station was for you.” Julian’s expression twisted somewhat at the thought.

It must have been quite uncomfortable for him for all those years stuck on DS9. Julian noted that just like the other day Garak was no longer wearing a high neck style shirt. His neck ridges now could be exposed to the warmer Cardassian weather.   

Seeing Julian’s face Garak felt the need to reassure him. That was Julian after all, always thinking of others.

“Don’t let that bother you, it doesn’t bother me. In fact because of my time on DS9 it gives me a special appreciation every day that I am here. And besides I have realised that I don’t regret the years I spent on the station. Yes at times I truly did despise it and it was not at all easy, but looking back now I can see that it was as you said the other day ‘I was in the right place at the right time’. Plus let’s not forget the most important thing of all.”

“And what’s that?”

“If I was not exiled to Deep Space 9 I would have never met you my dear.” Garak said sincerely and Julian’s answering smile was brilliant.

They soon arrived at the local eating station. Something that Julian discovered was one of Garak’s ideas. Julian had thought it was a traditional staple for Caradassians but as Garak explained it to him it was a rather new concept for many.

With food in such short supply and no guarantee of permanent housing for everyone, there was a need to be sure that food was easily accessible to all. So Garak proposed that each district be given its own public eatery where every Cardassian could use their ID code to receive at least three meals a day.

It was very simple and functional in design. The eating space was large and open on all sides with just a large roof over head to protect from the weather. Many chairs and tables were scattered about the place and seemed to be rearranged depending on who was using them; the place could easily seat a hundred Cardassians. The many pillars that supported the roof were also housing stations for food replicators giving everyone easy access. It was quite ingenious and Julian said so.

“I must say I am quite pleased with it myself. And more importantly it brings us together socially. So many large family groups have been devastated and it’s easy to feel cut off but here neighbours meet and hopefully they can see that they are not quite so alone.”

“That’s wonderful Garak. You’ve really thought this through.” Julian looked around the area with renewed interest. Sure enough groups of Cardassians sat at tables of various groups and sizes. Mothers with children, a working group of large Cardassian men and some older looking couples all mixed in under the large open roof enjoying their rationed meals and each other’s company.

Julian again was the only human in sight but aside from a few curious looks nobody seemed to care that he was having lunch with a fellow Cardassian. But then that could have been because of who he was dining with. Julian had taken note of all the respectful nods Garak had received on their way over and it was clear that his position within the Ministry was well known to the general public.  

“I must confess something to you doctor.” Garak said suddenly.

Without wanting it to Julian’s heart sped up a bit. “Yes?”

“The idea I got for this was inspired by the Federations replimat.” Garak said conspiratorially.

Julian laughed.

“Really my dear you must keep this just between us.” Garak said in mock seriousness. “It’s true my people are becoming somewhat more open to other cultures but I don’t know how they would feel knowing that this was an idea taken from Starfleet.”

“My lips a sealed, I promise they’ll never hear a word of it from me.” said Julian with a wide smile. “It must have taken some effort to get this organised.”

“You are quite right. While it was not an overnight project getting the essentials out to the population was first priority. It helps that these are completely run on solar power. The roof doubles as a solar panel. A rather youthful forward thinker Minister Narin came up with that.”

“That is impressive.”

“Cardassia will need the likes of people like her. Sustainability will be the future for us. If we want to remain independent we will first have to take care of our own world.”

“Very sensible.” Julian agreed and hoped Garak could see how much he meant it.

Their conversation continued to flow easily. Garak asked after the rest of the DS9 crew and Julian was forced to admit that he had failed to keep in contact with anyone, even Miles. Time and distance were strange like that and with no more common ties to hold them all together he had simply failed to keep up communications. But he supposed that goes both ways and everyone had new lives out there with new people and new problems to deal with. He could at least report that the last he had heard was that everyone was doing well.

Garak then went on to explain his place within the new Cardassian government and how the new non-military system worked. It was all quite fascinating and Julian couldn’t help but bombard Garak with questions between bites of his meal.

“We must never again falter and give a single citizen too much power.” Garak began to explain. “There must never be another DuKat allowed to rise.” Garak said his name like a curse.

“So how do you balance the power within the Ministry?” Julian asked truly fascinated.

“Each district like Lakia has a leading Regent and small Council group. The Regents and Councils see to minor local matters and report to the Cardassian High Ministry, which is where I sit. There are many officials at the ministry but only twelve Ministers in total, like me” and Garak allowed himself a moment of pride and continued.

“We report to the three elected Chair Ministers that sit above us. They have the highest station within Cardassia politics but that does not at all mean their power is absolute. As there are three of them they can vote against each other or if enough Ministers were to vote against a Chairman’s decision it can be also be overturned.”

“It sounds very smart. Like you said not giving any one person too much power but at the same time giving everyone enough to get things done.”

Garak looked pleased with Julian’s assessment. “Exactly Doctor. Cardassians do love a good debate but really we cannot afford to sit around arguing for days when there is so much work to be done. Luckily many of my colleagues feel the same.”

They continued chatting right up to the hospital were Garak had offered to walk him back to. Julian hoped that it was because like him he didn’t want their ‘date’ to end.

Julian was insanely pleased when Garak offered to meet him again for lunch next week. It wasn’t as soon as Julian would like but he eagerly accepted the offer. Garak was a busy man after all and Julian would take whatever time he could get.

Julian wistfully said goodbye and had to refrain from hugging Garak before he left. Instead he stood and watched him walk back toward the centre of town until he couldn’t see him anymore.

 

 *

Later that evening Julian sat on his bed in his dorm room unable to stop thinking about his lunch with Garak that day. He needed to admit some things (at least to himself) or he was sure he’d go mad. The main thing, the most important thing being that he Julian felt a lot more for Garak than plain and simple friendship. And whatever their relationship was now Julian wanted more.

_A lot more._

All the years spent on DS9 Julian had never allowed himself to admit that in more than a passing thought. It was too dangerous and far too complicated, not to mention what it might have done to his career at the time.

Julian thought back to when Garak’s shop blew up. It was that whole incident that made him first question how far his feelings went for his friend and how long he had felt that way (probably when the implant malfunctioned). After the incident Garak had left the station with Odo for only a short time but Julian had missed his company so desperately.

But then things in the Alpha quadrant started to change at a rapid pace.

The growing threat of the Dominion, then the Federations war with Klingon’s, not to mention the almost fluid relationship the Federation had with Cardassia. Then of course the Dominion War itself. Over the years they had known each other things seemed to only get more and more complex going from one crisis to the next.

Not long after Garak returned from the Gama quadrant with Odo Julian had taken all these growing affectionate feelings and put them in a nice neat box in his mind and threw away the key. As a result, Garak and Julian’s relationship had suffered somewhat. As time went on and priorities changed they drifted apart but through it all remained friends.

_And now?_

With no politics, no war and no secrets between them (Julian did finally feel like he knew where Garak’s loyalties lie) did they stand a chance? This was all supposing that Garak felt the same way about Julian as Julian felt about him. Reflecting on today’s events Julian did feel like he could be cautiously optimistic.

So now the question was what was _he_ going to do about it?

Julian mused about listing some pros and cons but almost immediately rejected the idea. Over the years Julian had constantly over analysed, thought up probabilities and made excuses as to why relationships were bad ideas. That's what lead to him to not pursue a romantic relationship with Garak in the first place.

This time he was going to allow himself the freedom to just _feel_ and express those feelings in whatever way felt natural _._ Who knew where this would go? But it would surly go nowhere at all if he stopped it before it could begin.

For once in his life Julian would go with the flow and worry about the future later. No big plans or grand gestures. One thing was for sure Julian would no longer hold any of his genuine affection for Garak back. He would just be himself and hopefully Garak would respond to that. If Julian wanted to be closer to Garak then he would be, and to hell with anyone who had a problem with it.

Julian had been holding himself back for long enough.

 

 

 

 


	6. CH5. Time waits for No One

CH 5.

.Time waits for No One.

 

 

 

After that first lunch out together Garak and Julian easily slipped into a new routine. They were both kept extremely busy with their respective workloads but always made sure to make another ‘date’ with each other at their next availability. Sometimes for lunch, sometimes for an afternoon tea and after a long chain of unfortunate accidents and incidents that made them both cancel several times in a row they also had a breakfast together.

Stolen short walks here and there also made up a lot of their time spent together. Garak revelled in the opportunity to finally show Julian his home world. Of course nothing was as it was; as it should be but Julian’s constant enthusiasm kept many of the shadows at bay. Garak was able to reminisce on things long gone and told Julian long exaggerated tales while Julian listened eagerly. Some days Julian would even try to tease the facts from the fictions out of Garak.

“A giant statue? Really Garak?” Julian said with clear disbelief. “Of a Cardassian crushing a Federation Starship in one hand and a Klingon War Bird in the other. What no room for the Romulans? Do you really expect me to believe that?” Julian said his tone was dripping with disapproval.

“Come now that would be foolishly overdone Doctor.” Admonished Garak sounding completely serious. “The statue crushing the Romulans was a bit further down the road.”

“ _Garak_.” Julian scolded and just continued to look both disbelieving and disapproving.

“My dear Doctor would I lie to you?” Garak continued doing his best to keep a straight face but a lot of his mirth reached his eyes.

“Yes!” Julian exclaimed but they chuckled together as they continued their stroll. 

And some days Julian would look at Garak with those lovely big hazel eyes and Garak would wonder. What was it that Julian was thinking when he looked at him that way? Was it possible? Could there be something more?

 _No_ , would Garak mentally scold himself, _don’t be a fool. Julian doesn’t see you that way, he never has._

But then Julian’s hand would brush against his own or his touch would linger slightly on an arm or shoulder and Garak would start questioning his intentions all over again _._  

*

 

Julian took pleasure in their occasional physical contact much as Garak. He was desperately hoping that they confirmed that Garak wanted more from their relationship too. Garak’s firm touch was always unmistakable. Just the slightest glide of a hand across his lower back was enough to get Julian’s heart rate up.

This was Garak as he had never known him and yet so much the same. His quick wit and overly indulgent sarcasm irritated him as much as it brought a smile. Julian had always been drawn in by the Garak’s emphatic storytelling and his rather twisted sense of humour. On one such lunch date Garak’s ability to cause involuntary laughter happened at a truly inappropriate time.

“Is that water I see coming out of your nose Doctor?” Garak asked barely containing his own laughter.

“Don’t look. Ah, that hurt! Why did you have to make me laugh like that? This is your fault you know, you saw me drinking. Look now everyone is staring at us. They must think I’m insane.” Julian was dabbing at his nose with the serviettes from their shared table.

“You are a sole human sitting amongst a large number of Cardassians for lunch. I assure you my dear my people came to that conclusion long ago.”

Julian shot Garak a dry look but at least he seemed to have calmed down and reorganised himself.

“Really dear Doctor, all I did was remark upon Commander Worf’s unusual taste in undergarments.” Garak began again and of course he had waited for Julian to take another sip of his water before speaking. Julian inhaled sharply and was once again making a spectacle of himself.

Whether Garak was speaking the truth or not didn’t matter. Julian would never be getting that image out of his head.

*

 

And as always there was the fierce debate between them.

Culture, literature, history, it really didn’t matter. What mattered was the fire in their eyes and the thrill of each carefully calculated argument. Julian would often mull over their debates days later and spent hours lying in bed and staring at the ceiling thinking how best to make his point for the next time he spoke with Garak.

That’s when it started. Julian’s dreams changed and he would find himself dreaming of Garak most nights. After all he was always on his mind as he fell asleep. These dreams however were nothing like the recurring horrors he had been stuck with on DS9; nothing at all.

Julian had been so surprised to wake one morning breathing heavily and covered in sweat. He desperately tried to bring his heart rate down but couldn’t. Julian was so achingly hard, his cock straining against his briefs and all the while feeling horribly unfulfilled. Julian hadn’t been in such a state since he was a teenager.

But the dream had been so damn good and had seemed so real. He lay there trying to remember the dream but it slipped away as fast as he tried to recall it. He indulgently grasped at just the feeling of it instead.

_Garak was firmly pressed against him, above him, moving his naked flesh against his own. Strong searching hands touched him in the most intimate places and all the while they shared hot and hungry kisses._

There was nothing for it. Julian easily called up a mental image of Garak and he allowed his imagination to run wild. His lovely silky dark hair, the way he would grit his teeth, oh god and those intense blue eyes boring down on him. What would it be like to kiss him? What would it feel like to have those scales and ridges pressed into his body? Grasping himself he freed his hard member from his briefs and Julian moaned as he firmly stroked, his rhythm quickly becoming desperate and in no time brought himself to competition.       

Later in the harsh light of the day Julian shook his head at his reflection in the mirror and gave himself a stern look. If he was going to carrying on like that he should at least have the courage to tell Garak how he felt! The more time he spent with him the surer Julian had become. This was different than any other relationship Julian had ever been in. In some ways it felt far more real, it made every other relationship he had ever been in feel superficial and they still hadn’t even been on a proper date yet!

_And yet…_

What if? What if he’s wrong? What if his feelings were all one sided? Julian had misinterpreted signals in the past. Oh God. Garak’s rejection would sting more than a phaser blast and the effects would last must longer. Their friendship might never recover.

 _Coward._ He scolded himself.

He glared at his own reflection. He was being such a coward. Garak deserved better and so did he. He deserved to know. There was no way Julian could leave Cardassia without telling Garak the truth. Julian resolved to do it soon. No more excuses. Bitterly he calculated that he had only a couple of months left on the planet before being recalled to his Starfleet duties. Julian was not going to drop all this on Garak at the last minute.

And then what? What if he got all he could ever ask for?

Julian heart did a strange flutter but this time he did not let his imagination take over. It would be so much easier to get over Garak’s rejection if he didn’t already have dreamy hopes for their future.

If they did have a future together then they would figure that out _together_. 

*

 

Garak was even more aware of the passing days than Julian. Unwillingly every day Garak did the calculation. 110 days left, now 100 days, only 70 days, oh gods less than 50 days until he’s gone. And today mark the first day of Julian’s last month on Cardassia. How had that time past so quickly? Oh how he hated it but at same time Garak knew he needed to be constantly reminded.

Don’t get too close, don’t read too much into it, don’t be a fool! _Elim Garak you will only get yourself hurt_. As it was it would already be hard enough to say goodbye.

Garak recalled their last meeting together which ended in Garak’s own apartment.

It wasn’t the first time Julian had been by but it was certainly far more memorable than any other. They had been out walking through Garak’s neighbourhood when out of nowhere the rain had come down in torrents. It was the first rain of the wet season.  

Garak’s home these days was on the top floor of a rather nice but modest old home. The large family home had been converted into apartments for many Ministry officials. Its location close to the Central Ministry building had made it ideal.

Originally they wanted to put Garak in a far more upscale home with entire floors to himself but Garak wouldn’t have it. He was a single man living on his own. He didn’t need to have that much space especially when another Cardassian family could make better use of it.

Still because of his station as Minister they gave him one of the larger apartments on the top floor. It was an acceptable compromise. 

Both he and Julian had entered his apartment dripping wet but all the while Julian was laughing with good humour.

“As unexpected as that was I have to admit the break in the humidity is welcome. The last few days have been absolutely unbearable.” Julian remarked shaking himself off.

“Yes I must confess even I was feeling slightly uncomfortable.” Garak was sure that the rest of his people would be glad for the turn in the weather too. Garak shook his sleeves off and felt water dribble down his back. Not a pleasant feeling. “Wait here a moment and I’ll find us some towels.”

Julian nodded and Garak went through to his bathroom to retrieve a towel for each of them. However he almost dropped them when he returned.

Julian was standing at the kitchen sink naked from the waist up. His muscle flexed as he worked to squeeze out the water in his shirt. Garak managed not to drop the towel but couldn’t stop his heart from thudding against his chest. Julian was so depressingly _beautiful_. It seemed so unfair that Julian should be not only intellectually stimulating but physically as well.

Julian turned to Garak and smiled which only seemed to enhance the effect. _If only I could keep him, if only I was enough to make him stay_. Garak did his best not to show any of this outwardly and returned Julian’s smile and handed him the towel.

“Thanks.” Julian said easily and there was a perhaps a coy smile playing at his lips.

Their fingers brushed just briefly as the towel was handed over and Garak had to resist the urge to reach out for more. Instead he turned away and went to stand by his large oval Cardassian style window. It was one of the things he really did like about this apartment. I was quite large and afforded him a great view of the area. He could watch the change in the neighbourhood as it progressed into this new and better Cardassia.

He didn’t see any of that now though. He tried to focus on a distant building under construction and dabbed the towel on his wet skin; anything to stop him from staring blatantly at Julian’s bare torso. Garak had of course seen naked mammalian men before. In his work in the Obsidian Order as well as his time as a tailor on DS9 but this was different; this was Julian. Julian who was in his home, half naked. Garak swallowed hard as Julian came up to stand beside him.

Garak dared to steal a glance as Julian dried his hair. Good lord! This was torture surely. It was only a glance but it was more enough time for Garak to take note of Julian’s lean frame pact with lovely understated muscles. They slid so delightfully under that warm caramel skin. His nipples were a darker hue, flat and round; humans were such funny creatures. Garak never really cared for the male mammalian quirk before but somehow now seeing them on Julian it felt absolutely scandalous.

_What would they feel like? How would Julian respond if I were to give them a little pinch?_

Deep breath. Stop that now or you’ll start embarrassing yourself.

Garak chanced another glance and observed Julian looking out the window seemingly fascinated with the view. The towel was now hung over his shoulders as he held his wrung out shirt in one hand.

“I’ll never get used to this. Every time I come over the view changes. It’s subtle but it’s there.” He turned to Garak with that charming smile. “It must be good for you to wake up to it every morning.”

“Some days yes. Other days I only see what is missing; what has been lost. It can make me wonder if we have made any progress at all.”

Julian frowned.

“Of course you have. I know it takes time but there is reason to hope. You haven’t lost everything.” Julian looked so earnestly into Garak’s eyes as if trying to convey a hidden truth and gently put his hand on Garak’s arm. Perhaps as a gesture of comfort but all it did was remind Garak of how close they were standing.

“Hope is a dangerous thing Doctor. It can lead to great disappointment.” Garak replied gravely looking deeply into Julian’s eyes searching. He was not so sure that they were still discussing his apartment’s view.

Julian only took a step closer. 

“I think living without hope would be far worse. Even with the occasional disappointment, sometimes you just need to take the leap…”

They were standing so close now. Julian’s hand was on his arm, a warm reassuring weight. Without meaning to Garak looked down at Julian’s full and inviting lips and he was surprised to see Julian do the same. Like a magnet drawn in Garak felt himself leaning in as Julian did.   

.

.

BEEPBEEPBEEP!!!

 

An alarm furiously sounded from Julian’s carry bag and they both jolted apart in surprise. After a moment Julian seemed to come back to himself and recognise the sound.

“Oh no. That must be from the hospital.” And Julian quickly hurried over to his bag to read his PADD.

Garak took the opportunity to collect himself. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to thank the PADD for stopping what had almost happened or eject it violently into outer space. Preferably into the nearest star. He was saved from having to decide as Julian collected up his things. He put his shirt on over his head and grabbed his bag shoving the PADD back in.

“I’m so sorry Garak but they need me over at the hospital. The rain has cause some unforeseen problems and…”

“My dear no need to explain.” Garak said quickly cutting of Julian’s unnecessary explanation. “If they need you, you had better get going. I understand.” And Garak truly did.

“Thanks.” Julian looked a tad wistful but nodded his head. “I really did enjoy our time today.”

“As did I.” and that was true too.

“I’ll see you in the next few days’ right? For this surprise of yours?”

“Yes of course.” Garak knew he should cancel. He should make up some excuses but as always he just couldn’t and as always Julian’s answering smile was enough to keep all his reservations at bay for at least another day.

Then quick as a whip Julian was out the door and Garak was standing alone. He looked out the window again and as he took in the scene all he could see was what was missing.

 

 

 


	7. CH 6. Enough

CH 6.

.Enough.

 

 

 

 

Garak tried not to fret. They had set up this ‘date’ weeks ago. Garak had promised Julian a surprise and was not going to back out of the arrangement. He took another sip of kanar to calm his nerves. If only he could stop thinking about that ‘almost kiss’. Really it was all he could think about for the past few days.

The truth of it was that Garak really did want to show this to Julian. He was so sure Julian would be able to truly appreciate it and there was really nobody else on the planet that Garak would rather share it with. So doing his best not to appear too eager Garak met Julian right on time just before sun set outside the dormitories where the younger man was staying.

When Julian saw Garak his face broke out in that wonderful wide smile. Oh why did he have to look at him like that? With just enough warmth to get his hopes up. Julian as usual looked splendid in a plain cream tunic and pants.

“Er, sorry I couldn’t dress a little more extravagantly. I had packed rather light.” Julian explained mistaking Garak’s long look for disapproval.

“Not at all my dear Doctor. You as always look lovely.” Garak said before he could stop himself and did his best to cover his blunder. “You are dressed most appropriately for our evening.” Julian however looked extremely pleased and even blushed lightly.  

“Our evening? Where exactly are we going tonight? You’ve been very secretive. It’s not something nefarious I hope.” Julian wedeled. He had been trying to get some form of clue for days. Of course getting any secret out of Garak was a lost cause but that never did deter Julian from trying. 

“Nefarious? I think not but then…” and Garak couldn’t help tilting his head just so giving him a rather ominous look “you never know.”

“I’ll take my chances.” Julian chuckled.

That look had never worked on Julian and he eagerly followed as Garak led them down the sidewalk. They passed through a few alley ways and eventually came out at the entrance to the new botanical park that was being made. 

Garak and Julian had been there often and while the area was still in its very early stages it had afforded them a nice place to walk and talk away from the hot city. Inside the park the path was more of a red dirt track with some of the surviving shrubbery and trees surrounding them. Along the path little posts had been added recently with names of plants written on them. Garak assumed these were the plants they planned to add. When it was all done and after a few years of growth it would all look rather marvellous.

It just needed more time and it was a shame Julian would never see it finished. Garak pushed that sad thought away. Tonight they were not here for the local flora.

Garak led Julian up a large incline, one that would give them a great view of the city. Once they had reached the top Garak smiled at Julian and stopped to make a grand gesture for Julian to take in the view.

Julian not quite understanding obediently stood next to Garak and looked out over the city. The sun had set well enough that lights had flicked on in most of the buildings. From here he could make out Lakia Hospital and the university dorms. Further to his left was Garak’s apartment and then directly central to his view from the park was the Central Ministry Building of Cardassia Prime.

“It is quite the view. Is this what you wanted to show me?” Julian said a little unsure. It was nice but hardly the surprise Julian had been expecting. After all he had seen the city at night before.

“Just keep watching.” Said Garak mysteriously and Julian frowned looking back over the city.

Then it happened. At first Julian wasn’t sure what he was seeing but then realised the lighting around the Ministry had become brighter. Then like a rolling wave it fanned out from the centre and the dully lit roads and buildings of the city sparkled to life. Street lamps that had been taken off line shone bright as every building and every light in every house in the city was restored to full power.

“Garak! This is amazing!” Julian exclaimed.

“What you are witnessing is the underground hydro dam coming back online.” Garak couldn’t keep the pleasure from his voice. It had been even more spectacular than he could have hoped. Garak was pleased that he could at least share this with his dear Julian before he went away.  

“Your ‘little electrical project’?” Julian laughed. Garak had been telling him small details for weeks but always understating the hugeness of the task. “You are a wonder Garak.” Julian said looking deeply into his eyes before turning back to the view.

Garak felt himself flush. That was all the praise he would ever need because when Julian said it he knew he meant it. He looked back over his homeland again and allowed himself to feel proud. 

 

*

Now was as good a time as any and he didn’t want to wait any longer. Julian looked again over at the sparkling Cardassian cityscape and then over to the man that had come to mean so much to him. Garak looked so magnificent from where he stood next to him. He was so at home here surveying the glittering skyline. Julian had noticed the suit he had chosen for tonight highlighted the sweep his neck ridges and the emerald green and gold accents highlighted his eyes. His striking blue eyes had always been Julian’s favourite feature.  

They were standing so close now. Then Garak feeling Julian’s gazes on him turned his attention back to him questioningly. Before Julian could lose his nerve he moved in, and daring the universe to try and stop him again he leaned in and kissed Garak square on the lips.

There was the smallest moment of surprise and then Julian found himself being very thoroughly kissed back. Julian’s heart rate leapt with joy and he instinctively brought his hands up to Garak’s waist to hold him close.

Garak’s hands also found their way to Julian’s shoulders holding him almost possessively as he drew him in further deepening the kiss. Julian eagerly opened for him and for a moment he got to taste and feel Garak’s tongue against his own.   

And then it was over and he was shoved almost violently back by Garak.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Garak snarled. Garak’s sudden hostility caught Julian completely off guard. Julian was breathing heavy as his usually quick witted brain struggled to catch up. Things had been going so well.

“Wha… I um, I thought…” Julian stuttered.

“You thought what?! You thought that I would fall into your arms like all your past conquests? Only to be cast aside when I become an inconvenience?!”

“What! No! That’s not, that’s not what’s happening. It’s not like that at all!” Julian insisted hoping that Garak would see he meant it but Garak only seemed to swell with anger.

He paced back and forth his rage rolling off him in waves.

“Oh really?” Garak snapped unconvinced. “In 28 days Doctor you will be leaving this planet. What then? You will be back in the arms of your dear Federation and it is highly likely that you will never return here again! Is this not true Doctor?!”

Julian faltered as he tried to find an opening in Garak’s tirade. Underneath all the bitterness and anger Julian could sense Garak’s hurt.

“No! I mean that’s not… Garak I wouldn’t…” and though Julian meant it, the truth was he didn’t have an answer for Garak. He had been deliberately avoiding thinking about the future and the reality was that he had no idea what he would do when his shore leave was over and he was recalled back into duty.

“I didn’t… I haven’t thought about that.” Julian finished lamely.

“Of course not and why would you? A young career driven man like yourself.” Garak’s voice was low and harsh. “And now I…” and for the first time Garak lost a lot of his fire and his voice wavered. “Perhaps I got caught up in it all too. I had hoped… I had wanted but that doesn’t matter now. None of it does.”

“Garak…” Julian tried softly but Garak wouldn’t have it.

“No! Enough is enough.” Garak straightened himself to his full height and set his jaw. Only the shine in his eyes gave away his emotions. “It’s time for us to say goodbye.”

“No Garak, please wait.” Julian’s heart was aching in his chest. How was it possible to feel this much pain and still be standing?

“I have suffered quite enough Doctor.” Garak cut in. “I have seen so much death and destruction in my life. I have already lost so much. Don’t ask me to fall for you and then let you walk away leaving me behind. You can’t ask that of me, I couldn’t bare it. Not from you.”

Julian’s chest hurt. He couldn’t breathe. Oh god he needed to say something, do something, anything to stop him from leaving! He need time to think, to regroup but all he could do was feel this weight on his chest. Instead Julian stood dumbly in front of the love of his life who he had hurt so horribly.

He took a step toward Garak but he was already turning away.

“Goodbye Doctor.” Garak said too politely, not even looking back at Julian he walked away into the night the darkness obscuring him completely from Julian.   

***

 

Julian was not sure how he got back to his assigned dorm room but here he was, sitting on his bed, staring at the wall unseeing and feeling completely numb. He couldn’t feel a thing. Perhaps it was a defence mechanism to fill that large empty hole that had been torn into his heart.

Julian replayed Garak’s last words to him over and over again. He couldn’t move past it, he was stuck. So here he sat, on his small bed in his small room staring at the wall in front of him seeing nothing. Julian couldn’t be sure how long he just sat there; it could have been minutes or hours. He was finally brought back to himself by a chime on his PADD.

He had a message.

Julian picked it up and couldn’t stop the immediate spark of hope that it could be from Garak.

It wasn’t.

With a bitter sense of irony Julian realised it was not from Garak but none other than Starfleet Command. Starfleet had written with the usual preamble of congratulating him on his excellent volunteer work and welcoming him back when his last month was over. Then it went on to offer him a new posting. A life changing one.

The USS Enterprise. _The Enterprise_. The Federation flagship. The best of the best.

Julian would be serving under Captain Jean-Luc Picard himself, not to mention with the rest of the exceptional crew members. He would be working with Doctor Beverly Crusher as her second. She was a doctor he had always idolised.

Unbidden Julian started to picture it all. Meeting the crew, doing his duty as he served on-board the Enterprise. Julian knew he would excel. One day when Dr Crusher retired Julian would prove a worthy successor and take her place. His future was assured, it was all practically laid out at his feet…    

Julian stood and threw the PADD across the room hard. It made a satisfying crack as it hit the wall opposite.

_It’s not what I WANT!_

Julian wanted to scream, instead he paced the room furiously like a caged lion. He needed to move, to burn off this angry energy. The numbness had been replaced by a torrent of emotion and for the moment it was mostly anger. Everyone thinks they know him so well, both Starfleet and Garak.

Suddenly he stopped and whipped around to glare at the PADD like it had spoken something rude.

“I suppose you think I should be thanking you? Grateful? After all what more could someone like me want?” he spat talking to it like it was a person. Julian knew no one could hear him but he needed to get this out anyway.

“I should jump at the chance. Anyone else would, but it’s not what I want. Not anymore, not for a long time… I’ve changed, things have changed and so has what I want…” Julian trailed off. He didn’t need to say it aloud but he knew the answer. Finally he knew exactly what he wanted, he could only hope that it was not too late.

There was a time in Julian’s life when this would all have been perfect. A great new career opportunity waiting for him and a relationship that was easy to walk away from. He was quite certain he could simply leave the planet at the end of the month without even having the obligation of saying goodbye.

Instead Julian stormed out of the door with purpose. For the first time in his life Julian had someone worth the effort, someone who was worth fighting for.

And by god he was ready to fight. 

 

 

 

 


	8. CH 7. The End and the Beginning... again.

CH 7.

.The End and the Beginning… again.

 

 

 

 

When his door chimed the first time Garak had every intention of just ignoring it and continued sipping on his glass of kanar. But then it chimed again and again until whoever it was (and he had a strong suspicion he knew who) just stood there holding the button down causing it to sound as a constant wine.  

Garak huffed and left with no other choice but to go answer the door or slowly go deaf he put down his drink and got to his feet. He didn’t know if he could endure another confrontation tonight. The first had been so horrible. _It had to be done._ At least that’s what he told himself repeatedly.

It had taken everything he had to walk away from Julian. He had looked so vulnerable, so hurt. All Garak had wanted to do was hold him. With every step he had repeated his own personal mantra over and over again that it was better this way. Better to suffer a little pain now than the devastation of heartbreak when Julian left at the end of the month. Garak hadn’t been lying to Julian when he said he couldn’t take that. He really wasn’t sure he could.

_When had I come to care for Julian so much?_

Garak steeled himself for another confrontation and then hit the button to open the door. Sure enough there he was. The person he both wanted to see the most and the least. What did surprise Garak was the fire in Julian’s eyes.

“We need to talk.” Julian said fiercely.

“I’ve said all I need to.” Garak couldn’t help but snap back, Julian’s fire igniting his own.

“But I haven’t.” Julian practically snarled. “This time _I’m_ going to talk and _you_ are going to listen.”

“Oh I am, am I? And what if I refuse?” Garak goaded a little peevishly. Really the good doctor was quite presumptuous tonight.

“Then I’ll stand out here and shout it through your door.” Julian snarled and Garak completely believed him. “I’m sure your neighbours would love to hear what I have to say too!” and Julian’s voice was steadily rising.

“Fine.” Garak growled agreeing none too gracefully. He glanced quickly up and down the hall. So far none of his neighbours had stepped out to see what the commotion was about but it wouldn’t do for a respectable Minister to have a shouting Terran on his doorstep. So Garak moved aside and Julian immediately barrelled through. Garak shut the door after him and turned to face his opponent expectantly.

“Well?” he snapped wanting to get this over with. Really, how was he supposed to forget the object of his affection with him standing in the middle of his home?

“Oh no none of that. This is my conversation remember!” Julian fired back. “Now sit down, shut up and listen.”

Garak had never heard that particular tone from Julian before and while he had a great number of witty retorts on the tip of his tongue he held them back. Instead he quietly stepped away from the door and took a seat on the couch. His curiously was well and truly peeked.

Julian paced back and forth in the living space a few times seeming to try and find were to start. Garak was starting to wonder if he would ever speak when he finally turned to him and snapped.

“You made a lot of assumptions about me tonight.” Julian growled.

“That is true, however they were based on my vast knowledge of you.” Garak did his best to keep his voice calm. It was clear that Julian was beyond that at the moment.

Julian shot him a dark look.

“And you have always known me so well haven’t you? It’s not like I could hide something as big as, oh I don’t know, being genetically enhanced!”

Garak bowed his head in acknowledgment. After all he had had no idea.

“You’ve always underestimated me.” Julian went on. “I’m a far better liar than you give me credit for.” Julian’s admission seemed to take away a lot of his fire. If anything it seemed to make him sad.

“Yes my dear. Perhaps I have and you have proven to be exceptional at keeping your secrets, but I fail to see what all that has to do with the here and now.” Garak said evenly. He really hated seeing Julian like this and aimed to get this slightly convoluted conversation back on track and over with.

 “It has everything to do with this!” Julian hissed his fire returning to him. “My lies… and your… and your assumptions. I do realise that a lot of this is my fault, I know that, I accept it. If I had just told you from the start… told the truth…” Julian’s voice became smaller and halting.

“My dear please. Just say what you need to say. _Why are you here_?”

Julian smiled without humour and a small chuckle escaped him.

“It’s funny you should ask me that. You asked me that in the hospital on that first day. You do remember, don’t you?”

“Yes I remember. You joined the Neutral Volunteers Union to help my people. You gave up your own hard earned time to come to Cardassia and avail us with your medical expertise. It is something I am still most grateful for.” Garak said earnestly. 

Julian shook his head. “Don’t be. It was a lie. I mean I am here to help but it’s not ‘ _why_ ’ I’m here. Not really...” Julian was rambling and couldn’t meet Garak’s gaze. “I mean I’m here… I came to…” Once again Julian had stalled out. Getting to his feet Garak moved in front of Julian to make him look at him.

“Then _why_?” he implored, he didn’t understand what Julian was trying to tell him. “Why do this? Why lie? What could have possibly brought you here?!”

.

“…you.” Julian’s voice was small and rough.

“ _What?”_ Garak asked in disbelief. He had heard him but he couldn’t believe it.

Julian straightened his shoulders and looked Garak squarely in the eyes. This time he spoke more firmly, more surely. “I came here for you Elim Garak.”

“Julian…” Garak breathed his name but Julian raised his hand to stall him.

“Please, just let me finish and then… then I’ll go if that’s what you want. I won’t try to change your mind, I just… I need to say this.” Julian took a deep breath and prepared to lay it all out for him. There was no holding back now.

“I came to Cardassia to see _you_. I needed to see you one last time, or at least that’s what I told myself. I thought that if I could just see you again then I would be able to move on, you know? Get my focus back on my career with Starfleet and find a new start out there… and then today… I got a new posing offer, with the Starship Enterprise.”

“That’s quite the offer.” Garak tried not to show his despair as any hope he had stared to have faded away rapidly. The Federation flagship! How could he ever compete with that?

“I suppose it is. And I am grateful for the offer but mainly because it forced me to realise what I want. I mean what I _really_ want.”

“What you really want? What more could you possibly want?” Garak implored.

Somehow that made Julian smile, a real smile and he took a step closer to Garak. “I should want the posting, anyone else would but the truth is that I don’t and I won’t pretend to just because it’s what’s expected of me.”

Julian took a deep breath. “Garak do you know what’s worse than lying to others? Than the lies I’ve told you?”

“No.” Garak replied carefully.

“It’s the lies I tell _myself_.”

“What do you mean?” Garak asked confused and Julian smiled bitterly.

“I always thought I knew what I wanted. Then I came here and I kept telling myself that I was coming here to see you just one last time and that would be enough. Then… then when we did finally meet I told myself I just needed a little more time, one more talk, just one more day together,” and Julian stepped in even closer.

“And then I wanted one more walk and one more touch,” and very tentatively Julian placed his hand on Garak’s chest “and now ... just one more kiss.” He almost whispered and Julian’s eyes flicked down for a second lingering on Garak’s lips. For a moment Garak wondered if Julian might kiss him again but he pulled back instead to look into Garak’s eyes. He was still so dangerously close.

“You want to know what the truth is? What I finally realised? I will never get enough of you. I will always, always want more… of you.”

Julian’s expression was so earnest and there was a moment of intense silence as Garak tried to process all of this new information.

“Want more of… Julian do you know what you’re saying?” Garak’s voice was a little shaky but he had to ask. He felt like he knew but for once in his life needed the reassurance. He needed Julian to say it, he needed to know for sure.

Julian smiled softly at him with that beautiful warmth in his eyes.

“What I’m saying is that all I want is to fall asleep with you every night and wake up every morning in your arms.”

 Julian blushed.

“I suppose all that’s left is, what do you _want_?”

There was a heavy moment of silence as they both just stood there so close together. Julian’s hand placed so softly on Garak’s chest waiting for his answer.

And Garak was speechless for perhaps the first time in his life. _What did he want?!_ He wanted a great many things but the first thing was to kiss Julian and so that’s exactly what he did. Unable to form words to express his desire Garak simply closed the gap between them and kissed Julian with all the passion he had. Trying to convey all his intentions in that one kiss and all the things he couldn’t put into words.

It was like their first kiss but better. _Julian wanted him. Him!_ Garak pushed his tongue in and Julian eagerly accepted the invasion of his mouth as the kissed turned more desperate. Garak wanted to taste more of him, all of him. Julian only seemed to melt further into his embrace with one hand twisting into Garak’s sleek dark hair. It all felt delightful.

Garak returned the favour by plunging his hand into Julian’s shorter soft hair then around to the nap of his lovely long neck. So daringly fragile and exposed. His other arm instinctively went about his slim waist holding Julian flush against him. Already he could feel Julian’s body responding and he couldn’t help moaning his appreciation. The feel of him, his touch, his mouth and now his warm hardness against him. By gods he hoped he could hold off everting until they got their clothes off. Julian however didn’t seem to be holding back at all as he wantonly rocked his hips against him gasping.

Garak managed to pull back but only slightly to moan and mutter over and over.

“Julian, Julian… _my_ Julian.”

Julian took this opportunity to adore Garak’s neck ridges with open mouth kisses and just the most delightful pressure of teeth and Garak now felt helpless to respond gasping loudly and began moving his hips with Julian. His hands now drifted lower to grab Julian’s well shaped arse and pull him hard against him. The friction was good but he needed more.

Julian moaned as he lifted his head looking into Garak’s eyes. Garak had never seen Julian look like this. His eyes were glazed with his pupils blown wide with lust. He was glorious. 

Looking directly into Garak’s eyes and as if to make a point he purposely ground his erection against him.  

“Take me to bed. Now.” Demanded Julian and who was Garak to refuse such a lovely request? 

Garak allowed himself an indulgent smile and leaned in to run his tongue up Julian’s raspy jaw to his ear. He bit him gently on the lobe feeling Julian practically throbbing against him.

“Of course my dear.” Garak whispered like a caress into the shell of Julian’s ear. “Whatever you want.”

He began to back Julian through the room both of them stealing kisses and caresses and they went. Garak was mindful to steady Julian through the doorway all the way to his bed. Lightly he pushed Julian down to sit on the end of his bed and Garak breathing hard took a moment to just look at him.

Julian truly was beautiful. He ran his hand through his hair again and then around to cup his jaw. Julian closed his eyes sighing as he leaned into his hand, their skin tones clashed so wonderfully together. Garak ran his thumb over Julian’s full bottom lip but was surprised as Julian swiftly captured his wrist firmly holding it in place. Slowly and with a truly sultry look in his eyes Julian licked the end of Garak’s thumb with the tip of his tongue tasting him.

Garak’s breath caught. Foreplay was good but how much longer could he possibly last? He needed him. Somehow his cock remained sheathed but it was practically throbbing inside him aching for release. With haste he pushed Julian to his back and began making quick work of Julian’s pants and underwear while Julian just as quickly shed his shirt. With little effort Julian was soon naked and sprawled out across Garak’s bed. With his knees parted and his chest unsteadily rising and falling and his hard cock curved to his belly Garak needed no more invitation.

Garak was on him is seconds, still fully clothed but not at all caring. He needed to touch, he needed to taste. He kissed Julian first devouring him with his mouth, tongue and teeth allowing his hands to roam Julian’s body freely. Julian was so wonderfully soft with hard angles in all the right places, his skin flushed as it was made him feel so delightfully warm.

Garak’s hand roamed lower until finally reaching Julian’s course hair that lead to aching manhood. He ran his fingers through the dark curls only for a moment before taking hold of his full hard cock. Julian gasped with pleasure at finally having some form of relief.

“Oh yessss…” Julian moaned.

Leaning back sightly sitting between Julian’s spread knees Garak started a firm rhythm and watched fascinated with Julian’s reactions. Every moan and slight whimper he pulled from Julian was like music to his ears. Julian watched Garak with heavily lidded eyes, mouth parted and abs flexing as he helplessly moved his hips in sync with Garak hands.

Julian’s moans were becoming louder and his hips more urgent. Garak could practically feel how close he was as his pre come slipped between his fingers then suddenly he was pushed away and his hands removed. After a few deep calming breaths Julian sat up slightly looking completely dishevelled. Garak couldn’t help feel quite smug at having caused Julian such disarray.

Finally Julian was able to form a coherent sentence.

“This is a little unfair don’t you think?” Julian managed still catching his breath. “I mean you still have all your clothes on. How am I supposed to enjoy you while you’re still fully clothed?”

Garak leaned in close bringing them almost nose to nose.

“Really my dear? It looked to me like you were enjoying yourself plenty to me.” Purred Garak eyes looking down suggestively at Julian’s still full member.

Julian flushed beautifully but instead of backing down he surprised Garak by leaning in further in to whisper in his ear.

“Yes but think how much better it will feel with you inside me.” And to enhance his point Julian licked the ridge at his ear all the way down to his jaw, giving it a little nip at the end.

Garak was pretty sure his brain would never work correctly again. It was the tipping point and without willing it he everted into his pants with a grunt. Oh yes his body was ready, more than ready. This time it was Julian’s turn to look smug as Garak was sure his expression was giving quite a lot away.

He’s not sure who started first but all of a sudden they were both removing his clothing all the while sharing deep kisses as they tugged the annoying articles of clothing out of the way. Finally naked he could feel Julian’s bare skin against his own. Garak pressed Julian down firmly against the covers as they both moved against each other.

Julian gabbed at Garak’s arse and he wantonly grounded their lengths together. Garak sucked and bit at Julian’s delightfully fragile neck sure that they would show bruises in the morning. Rutting against each other searching for that perfect friction Garak’s hand trekked downward. His nails grazed over his nipples and ribs, down past his sharp hip and around his firm buttocks and then in between. 

Julian gasped as Garak’s finger tested his opening.

“Shit… ah… yesss, ah!”

Garak probed him only a little and yet already Julian’s responses were enough to make him throb impatiently, his every instinct telling him to plunge himself inside Julian’s willing body making him his but Garak mastered himself not wanting to hurt his lover. After feeling just how tight Julian was and even with his own natural lubricant he was going to be needing something. After another deep tongue devouring kiss Garak reluctantly moved away.

“Ah, Garak? What?” Julian asked obviously surprised by his sudden departure. By the gods he had felt so good, he needed him here now!

“Impatient aren’t we?” said Garak amused at Julian’s clean wonton behaviour.

He moved swiftly across the room in all his naked glory to retrieve something from one of his draws. Turning back he showed Julian the little bottle of oil. 

“Oh… right.” breathed Julian understanding. He had been so caught up in it all he had not even thought about that. He was glad Garak was considerate enough to have thought of it even through the haze of lust or Julian would have been quite sore and uncomfortable.

Garak returned to his side and leaned in again for a kiss. He would never tire of kissing him. Garak’s fingers gripped at his hips as Julian’s adored Garak’s neck ridges. Julian’s hand followed the swirling patterns at his chest down to the protective larger ones at his ribs that formed a hard line that guided his hand farther and farther down until his hand circled Garak’s hard probing member.

Garak groaned into Julian’s flesh before returning his attention to lightly biting Julian’s nipple. Garak was hard and sleek in his hand with wonderful softer ridge scales that formed at the base and followed all the way to the head. Julian moaned at just the thought of it being inside of him. 

Garak was of the same mind and brought his now oiled up fingers back to Julian’s entrance. Julian bent his knees opening himself wide in anticipation and Garak pushed a finger into his willing lover. The slick finger slid inside and he felt Julian’s inner muscles squeeze the digit as Julian released a breathy moan. After a few pumps he added another stretching Julian.

“Fuuuuck yesss! …ah …ah …ah.” And Julian’s hips moved in rhythm with his hands and Garak watch him with hungry eyes.

“You’re so beautiful my dear. So gorgeous. I’m going to have you, make you mine.” Garak said with so much intensity it would perhaps frighten a lesser man but not Julian. His hips only thrust against his hand harder as Garak hammered his prostate.

“God yes… Garak… _Elim_. I want… I need you, please.” He begged. He had never begged for it in his entire life but right now he would done anything to have him. 

Garak felt Julian was ready for him. He removed his fingers and aligned his throbbing cock to Julian’s waiting entrance while bracing his hands on Julian arse spreading him. He leaned in for another kiss and swallowed Julian’s whimper as he pushed in. The muscles resisted only for a moment then his slicked member pushed through filling him to his limit.

Julian’s head fell back eyes shut tight as he gripped Garak with his arms and locked his legs around his hips. It was too much of an over load. The feeling Garak on top and inside filling him, the sound of Garak’s breath and the wonderful musky smell of his lovers exertions. It was heaven. 

After giving Julian a moment to adjust Garak started. Slowly pulling himself out just to the head before slamming himself back in. Those wonderful ribbed scales on his cock nudged Julian’s prostate with every pass.

“More! Faster, harder… fuck!” Julian was unable to control his demands. He could barely think straight.

Garak wasn’t much better. Julian was so tight around him and so wonderfully responsive. All he could do was moan his ascent and comply upping the pace with rapid hard thrusts. 

It was so good and Julian never wanted it to end, not that he had that much control. Already he felt he wanted to cum. He wanted to spurt his seed between them but he desperately held himself back biting his lip. His cock throbbed as it bounced and rubbed between their bodies all the while Garak’s thrusts sent pleasure through him to his dripping head. As Garak buried himself into Julian over and over he couldn’t help vocalise his urgency.

“Yes Elim, ah… fuck yesss. Harder. More…ah…” he moaned on and on and Garak complied. Upping the rhythm yet again driving Julian into the bed. 

“Julian… ah my Julian.” Garak grit out as Julian’s ass swallowed his cock over and over. He brought his hand between them stoking Julian’s full dripping member and that was all Julian could take.

“Ah, oh god… Elim. I can’t. I’m gunna…fuck yes… ah!” and Julian’s whole body tensed and bowed as his warm wetness spurted between them. 

Weather it was the sound of his name like that on Julian’s lips or the intense way Julian’s whole body seemed to grip at his cock at that moment Garak couldn’t hold off anymore. A few more hard desperate thrusts and Garak was groaning his orgasm into Julian filling him up.

The room fell quite the only sound now was their laboured breathing.

Garak at some point had come to rest on top of Julian and with care rolled off him as not to squish the slighter man. No more words were needed and Julian turned to curl up at Garak’s side placing his head on Garak shoulder. Garak’s own arm came up to Julian’s back to slowly stroke his spine to hold him close. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. Breathing in Julian’s sent Garak allowed his soft breathing to carry him off to sleep with Julian doing the same.

 

Tomorrow held so much more for them now. No future was certain but from now on neither of them would face it alone.

 

 

FIN.

***

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm already about halfway through writing the next story in the series. I'm an obsessive editor but I hope to have the first few chapters up soon.  
> Feedback is welcome :)


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